10-12-74
Eyes, eyes. God damnit I can feel those dull staring incredulous bovine eyes on me every moment in this place, piercing probing dull idiot eyes like gaping mouths of surprise and there is no peace. I duck into the movies cringing in the midday sun to duck the maddening crowd of eyes. See two movies I never would have seen and come out to a swarm of eyes. Passing along the street two empty looking slugs give me a big stupid looking stare and silently enraged, I can’t help but to turn back and give them a long dirty look. As I pass them I hear an uproar of laughter behind me – assholes. Probably trying to guess how long my cock is and if it’s striped like a barber pole and rotates and glows in the dark. God I hate this place, I really do, but then I gotta know all the while that the only thing behind it all is just ignorant childlike curiosity and that these stupid folks are just kind of simple people who mean no harm by things they say or do, just like the Italian whose ship is already gone, off to some Mediterranean ports. Just simple people. Really very kind and true and I just feel bad out of loneliness and paranoia of being extraño, which I am in truth and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Copyright Jonathan Shaw 1974, 2010
gorgeous writing.
Gaping eyes as open as an empty grave…