Goddamnit this port town, I realize, is just another Central American town where customs like the Holy Church are a straitjacket to the people or at least to me because I am very certainly an outsider and don’t have the background to deal with or get around the taboos and such here. Everywhere ya go there’s pictures of the Pope. That’s a problem I think. I dunno. Maybe it’s not that at all but maybe just a long terrible feeling of frustration after not having a woman for so long. These Spanish girls here just don’t move me though. And I just want to get good and drunk at night and indulge in sad fantasies and even recollections of dead girls back home. Maybe I was better off a crazed junkie in the madhouse of America. I mean, you only live once and it all just comes down to shit in the end.
Copyright Jonathan Shaw 1974, 2010
I feel ya. I’m going through this very same shit right now, myself. It’s like HURRY UP AND WAIT!… And I wanna say FUCK THAT! I’m stuck too. Nothing left to do but curse god and die, and die and die again. Lots of Newness in dying.