12 NOON-
I finally managed to roll over and go back to sleep and within 5 minutes I was awakened again by a series of disturbing noises, telling me she’s up. And in perfect synchronicity of course, right on fucking time to disturb my questionable bit of rest is the rustle of potato chip bags and its crunch-crunch-rustle-rustle-bang-crash... all this to the background soundtrack of the chattering moron box on which she’s watching Saturday cartoons.
But one thing I’ve noticed over the years with Narcisa, is that all this indignity hardly ever leads to violent confrontation as it once did in the past.
I think we’re both actually smoothing out a bit with all the time and suffering and separations…
Smoothing out like two raw gemstones bashing against each other in a tumbler – because that’s how the jewelers refine rough stones, by putting them in a tumbler and letting them bash up against each other until all their rough edges are smoothed out and they’re ready to be fine cut into precious gems. ( See Alessandra’s Blog, Thoughts on Things)
The trick, though, is to always put like stones together in the polishing process; diamonds with diamonds, ruby with ruby, etc. Cuz if you put a diamond in conflict with an emerald, the softer, weaker stone will be pounded into dust while the other will be left there all alone.
Just like people.
I have honestly come, over the years, to believe that me and Narcisa are surely enough of a like kind to benefit from all this sort of violent contact together.
Two pirate criminals of uncommonly high intellegence and spiritual evolution, albeit both steeped in years of selfishness, nasty habits and covered in all sorts of creepy unconscious emotional trauma scars.
So over the years we’ve pounded and bashed up against each other in a long war of almost unbearable conflict.
So far nobody has killed anybody or died in battle yet.
A real blessing, from where I’m sitting now, counting my blessings.
Meanwhile we seem to be slowly, quietly adapting to each other’s obnoxious solitary ways and nasty habits, much like two wild tigers locked in a cage together coming to some. Sort of an uneasy truce. My big hope is that this could all really evolve into some marvelous symbiotic kinship, after so many blazing, fur-rending, near-death rumbles and bloody skirmishes…
At least that is my thinking for today, and my daily hope…
That over the ragged course of so much time and adventure and violent conflict and dangerous drama and give and take and common experience spent in each other’s company, we might even come someday to live in something like real harmony.
Like two battle-scarred warriors teaming up for the common good or the common bad, a real cataclysmic battle, but this time the two of us fighting side by side, instead of as adversaries.
Who knows? Stranger things have happened in the course of human affairs.
It has been said that, in spiritual terms, when there is an alliance between two former adversaries, it leads to a stronger than average bond. The best analogy I’ve heard is this:
Back in the day, doctors used to worry about the pregnancies of women who had previously undergone c-sections, fearing that the mended flesh, traumatized and weakened by the operation, might bust open from the pressure of the new pregnancy. Then they discovered that the area where there was scar tissue that had mended after an injury of previous trauma was actually much STRONGER than the normal tissue.
It’s an interesting concept.
And love is powerful.
I really have come to believe in miracles, the suspension of belief and disbelief as well, through many real-life demonstrations over the last decade since I’ve been seriously seeking spiritual guidance and healing for the basic conflicts of my heart. Conflicts that almost took me to the cleaners myself with liquor and drugs and all sorts of self destructive living in general, just like my little friend, Narcisa.
Love is powerful
And so is sex.
A powerful hands-on healing magic, even in the greasy blood-stained hands of crippled monkey-brain pirate terrorists like me and Narcisa..
Something is happening with us and, while I don’t know exactly how to define or ‘handle’ it, I am smart and experienced and maybe just intuitive enough not to take anything for granted now.
And I do believe that if we can somehow just manage to survive this rough, violent, terrifying tumbling process, its entirely likely that it might smooth us both out enough to actually become a pair of strong allies. Hard, precious stones being shaped and cut together for some larger purpose..
If we don’t die in the process, of course..
So far I can actually see sometimes how this bizarre, twisted relationship has served us both well in many ways.
It’s certainly given us both plenty of fuel for contemplation – enough for me to even write and publish a whole fucking book on… Maybe more…
Not to mention the other more personal book I wrote for Narcisa, all in one crazy month-long sitting, while she was holed up in that stupid Jesus camp.
That book was 200 pages long and entirely hand written in Portuguese, our common language of choice, even though we both speak English and Spanish pretty well..
I wrote it mostly sitting on the rock at Arpoador beach, in a spiral notebook.
And at the exact moment I finished the last page of dense marginless writing, my cell phone rang and it was her, calling me for the first time in months with her accumulated concentration camp phone privileges to ask me when I was coming to visit.
Then she asked me where I was sitting right then. When I told her “Arpoador,” she told me she already knew it, that she’d actually visualized me sitting at the exact spot where I was sitting at that moment, just as I’d finished the last sentence of her hand-written book.
And I wasn’t surprised, just another typical telepathic paranormal phenomena moment with me and Narcisa, cuz that’s how strong the invisible bond is…
Such extrasensory synchronicity and empathy surely merits more than just one fucking book, no?
So, like it or not, here we go again…
Thanks to my fire-breathing, crack-smoking, shit talking, everloving eternal Muse, Narcisa.
Copyright Jonathan Shaw 2008. All Rights Reserved.
NOTIFIÇAO: Os eventos relatados neste site são contos de ficção – registrados na Biblioteca Nacional como ficção com todos os direitos autorais revertidos ao autor, Jonathan Shaw. Os personagens mencionados são interamente ficticios. Certos eventos, personagens, lugares e relatos foram baseados em fatos reais, porém qualquer semelhança a qualquer pessoa viva ou morta se trata de pura coincidência.As vários fotografias apresentadas se encontram com o rosto distorcido para preservar o anonimato das modelos que representam personagens fictícios.
Hello. I was reading someone elses blog and saw you on their blogroll. Would you be interested in exchanging blog roll links? If so, feel free to email me.
Thanks.